tracking the source of anger

[wstein]

I have been noticing anger lurking. Mostly it occurs in dreams and in reactions to things said or done. Its not strongly present and only occurs for short periods (minutes) at a time. I'm not even sure it my anger. I am not by nature an angry person, so it strikes me as odd to have it occur so often (3-4 times a day/night).

My usual techniques at determining its source have failed, so I am asking for suggestions:

[sash]

The solution to heal anger that I have come to is forgiveness. Forgiveness of self and of others, and accepting certain things.

I'm unsure if you placed this in the healing section as a [conscious or unconscious] recognition of past emotional scars that ever so often cause anger to surround when re-opened. This is not a personal assumption; I believe we all have a similar experience in that respect, and events from the past can often manifest in little attributes of the present. Does this sound like a likely possibility with the anger you are feeling?

[oath]

Ask yourself a few things first:


Is it productive or destructive?

Is there a good reason for it or a bad reason for it?

Do I have control when I am angry?

Is it conscious or subconscious?


(etc.)


If you can answer these I can maybe offer some advice and/or techniques

[Jonathan]

Anger can generally be interpreted as some kind of avoidance, where avoidance can generally be interpreted as some kind of fear. Small bouts of crankiness of course may very well be just that, but if you're under the impression this is more than just being cranky every now and then, perhaps it would be worth your time to see what you are trying to avoid, if that is indeed the case, and why.

The trick with that of course, for any of us, is being genuine with ourselves. We can, if convenience allows, formulate a quick explanation and dismiss the problem, hoping the problem vanishes as quickly as we put it behind ourselves. Though you can imagine that if we are not true to our needs and nature, the problems will just keep coming back.

If you're comfortable meditating, do so, on this topic of yours. The medicine one can receive from sitting alone, and in deep honesty, can go deeper than any of us could ever hope to articulate into words. Best of luck.

[wstein]

Originally Posted by sash

The solution to heal anger that I have come to is forgiveness. Forgiveness of self and of others, and accepting certain things.

Fair enough, but I'm trying to find out if there even is anything to forgive. As I said, perhaps its not my anger I feel.

Originally Posted by sash

I'm unsure if you placed this in the healing section as a [conscious or unconscious] recognition of past emotional scars that ever so often cause anger to surround when re-opened. This is not a personal assumption; I believe we all have a similar experience in that respect, and events from the past can often manifest in little attributes of the present. Does this sound like a likely possibility with the anger you are feeling?

A reasonable assumption in general, one that I have considered at length. I know I still have some lingering anger from childhood (treatment) that needs healing. Still, I'm not sure how to apply this without knowing the source of the angry feelings.

[wstein]

Thanks for the responses so far.

Just to be clear this is emotional anger, not a general disgruntlement, angst, nor frustration. Its the kind where I want to strike out and hurt someone (else).

An example from a dream: Some kids (2 boy ~ 11 years old) were playing in the street where my motorhome was parked. They were on their BMX style bicycles. They would ride up to the side of the motorhome, punch it quite hard and ride away as fast as they could laughing all the way. I heard the noise and when I realized that they were hitting the motorhome hard enough to dent it, I asked them to stop. They didn't, so I yelled at them. They still didn't stop. So I went and stood next to the motorhome to block their access. Of course it's a lot larger than I am, so they still managed to continue, at this point more to piss me off than anything else. <slight jump ahead> At this point, the adults from the house where the kids seemed to be from were in their yard but not doing any about it. At this point I was fed up. The next time they came around I gave each a short sharp hard punch to the face, rendering them unconscious but otherwise not doing much damage. Still the adults took no action. I carried the boys (and then their bicycles) out of the street to the curb.

As you can see I was provoked. The anger was 'justified'. Even though I lost it and over reacted slightly, I did not loose it completely. Then immediately afterwards there was not much malice, as I saw to their safety by getting them out of the roadway. I was even kind enough to spare their bicycles.

Part of the problem with tracking the anger is that it tends to dissipate rather quickly and I lose 'contact' with it. This makes it very hard for me to track.

Individually, I would not give the anger in this dream much attention (as an isolated incident). However, this kind of scenario seems to be occurring a lot lately.

P.S. I have not taken any socially inappropriate actions in the physical world.

[sash]

Originally Posted by wstein

Just to be clear this is emotional anger, not a general disgruntlement, angst, nor frustration. Its the kind where I want to strike out and hurt someone (else).

This is typically the type of anger that originates from some hurt done to us in the past that we then externalize in the future. It is often quite clouded and the source is often unknown at first, sometimes a person even feels guilt if it is happening more and more often, this guilt can originate from not knowing the cause.

Eventually with mindfulness the cause becomes easier to track [especially if this begins occuring more often]. As to how to heal it; forgivness of those who hurt us in the past.

Another way of looking at it altogether is the Self as being in an ideal state, and the environment or relationship [to self and others] as not ideal. The difference and friction between the ideal and current circumstance causes the friction that feels like anger. This is sub-conscious and of course the ideal and current circumstances are quite hidden from us most of the time; all we see is the trail or shadow of them which looks to us like anger or fear or emptiness ect.

[Moonchild]

I can recommend two great books about anger.

The first is 'When Anger Hurts';
http://www.amazon.com/When-Anger-Hurts- ... 693&sr=8-1
This book discusses the causes of anger and various ways of dealling with it.


Because conflict is so often the cause of anger, the second book is ,'The I of the Storm';
http://www.amazon.com/Storm-Embracing-C ... 865&sr=1-1
This book has a wonderful perspective on anger and conflict which I have found very helpful.

[oath]

I'm waiting to hear if WStein is satisfied by these answers before I say anything

[wstein]

Oath (et all):

I have considered the posts so far but have not been able to take any action based on the information (have not gotten to the book store to read the books suggested).

I talked to my dad about this yesterday, and he suggested something similar to what Sash said. I have had no success in the past with generalized actions/responses (like forgiveness). These things don't work for me unless I know what the actual issue is. In this case what is being forgiven. With my dad's help I discovered its because people who are insincere speak that way. They say "I'm sorry" when they don't necessarily mean it. In my experience when some one says "I'm sorry for X" then they mean it. So I have come to distrust any blanket statements.

Suggestions of 'past emotional scars' and 'avoidance' are possibly correct but I was already aware of these possibilities (though I still welcome the suggestions).

To answer your questions directly:

Originally Posted by oath

Is it productive or destructive?

On the surface of it I would go with 'not worth the effort' [justified but slightly counter productive].

Originally Posted by oath

Is there a good reason for it or a bad reason for it?

It is always caused (triggered) by events warranting anger though perhaps not quite that much.

Originally Posted by oath

Do I have control when I am angry?

yes

Originally Posted by oath

Is it conscious or subconscious?

Have not been able to track this properly. Clearly at least part of it is conscious during the entire events.


So Oath, what do you have to say.